The language of the hands -part 2

  • Networking
  • Negotiation


I don’t know about you, but I hate networking events. I’m an introvert who just happens to be a profiler, and going to a place full of people makes me anxious. Why??? I can read you even before you open your mouth. If you are like me for any reason, here is why watching your hands and using them can help you in this process creating rapport.  

  • We are coming back to the handshake. A good shake of the hand equals 3 hours of human interaction; use it wisely.
  •  A good handshake elevates oxytocin, as well as a warm and genuine smile, do it together.
  •  If you want to establish rapport with someone because you agree with them, they make you smile, or you make them smile. Creating oxytocin by touching the lower part of the arm below the elbow can help you establish rapport.  – WARNING – pay attention to the proxemic of the person before you establish any touch of physical contact. After the pandemic, people became more uncomfortable with physical touch.
  • When you are holding a cold beverage, make sure to hold it with your left hand. Why? Because sweaty hands are perceived as nervous and of an insecure person, so if for any reason your right hand is holding a drink, make sure to rub your hand either against your clothes or inform the person that your hand is wet so they have the right perception of you. 
  • Use your hands to express the welcoming and satisfaction of being introduced to someone. 
  • Use your hands to say we. Why the power “WE???  When you use your, for example, right hand to point to the other person and point to yourself and add the word “WE” in that movement, you integrate the person into the conversation and make them feel part of it which is a great way to create rapport when you just met someone. 


As we mentioned in the networking section, “WE” can create rapport and inclusion with others.

The University of Dallas did a study on couples who had only been dating for 6 months or less.  One of the people in the relationship who wants the other one to agree to negotiate or accept a term or situation did this. When they changed I want to go – to – “WE” will go or you did or I disagree – to – “WE” need to agree, “WE” should agree, “WE” should do, the terms and acceptance of anything that comes after the “WE” becomes double or triple.

So remember, “WE” is important and how we can integrate hands to be successful in any negotiation no matter if it’s for a business or for your life, it matters. 

  • When you cannot agree on a term, first point with an open hand to the other person first and after say “How can we do this?”
  • Use both hands with open palms up to emphasize when there are things that need to be agreed upon on both sides.
  • Put the two hands on the table face down when you are uncomfortable with a situation to make the other person acknowledge that this is not going the way it should be.

Using the hands, not the words, is going to make the other person doubt what they’re saying. Use it in your favor.

  • Be careful when tapping your fingers on the table when you’re negotiating. You can irritate the other person negatively, but if your desired outcome is to make the other person uncomfortable, this can help.
  • If you want to execute and show power steeple, this is the best way to really say “ I am in control”. 

We can dedicate ourselves to writing a book on the importance of using fingers, hands, and arms. I hope that this article helps you to navigate some of the options based on the situation you are in.

Susan Ibitz 

⚠️Don’t wait for your competitors to call us; call us first.

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Working on the humans that grow your business | Human Behavior Expert, I teach corporations & employees how to hack into humans using Behavior & Persuasion. I work with Pharma | Finances| Banking | Insurance| Sales| AI – Language & Behavior Prompt Engineering

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